her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.