Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors