When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.