I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.