im six kinds of drunk right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.