Pappa wants mamma naked
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
