Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
