Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you didnt know i had herpes?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
