I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
