He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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