She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
