Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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