I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
