So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
