I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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