I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
