My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your penis caused this!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
