So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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