The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
