Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
