I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
