The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
