Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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