Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
