I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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