I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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