She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
