I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
