he was CRYING into my vagina
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
