I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
