so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
