I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
