I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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