My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
