I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
