First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
