You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
