I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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