All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
