That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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