Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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