Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
