Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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