the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
