proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
