I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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