Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
