Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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