apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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