Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
