wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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