Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
