I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize