Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
