I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
