Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
