rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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