the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize