sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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