Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
