i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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