he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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