I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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