wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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