So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
