you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
