none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
