so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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