What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
