People in love make me want to vomit
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i think my cat just said my name.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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