Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
