then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
